Other bloggers have written about the elusive “perfect woman”, and I started thinking of writing a post along the same lines, but I kept running into conflict; many qualities that I value in a woman contradict each other. The problem is that my ideal wife is different from my ideal mistress. Today, I will write about my ideal wife

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Before laying out her other qualities, I’ll describe her physical features. Her skin should be pale but thick so she looks white rather than red the way many Northern Europeans do. Her hair should be straight and black or dark brown. She should be in good shape and have soft skin. Other than that, I don’t have strong physical preferences for a wife. Truthfully, as long as she meets a minimum attractiveness threshold, her other qualities are far more important. A wife needs to be the ultimate accoutrement. She needs to keep a good home. She needs to take care of our children and me. She should be the perfect companion at social events. She should be intensely loyal and devoted to her family.

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I’ll seduce a retarded girl if she looks like Rebecca Linares, but a good wife needs to be able to hold her own in a discussion. I shouldn’t have to explain every little thing to her. She should not needlessly argue with me, but I’ll respect her if she can occasionally teach me something or convince me she is right.

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Not only should she look good on my arm when we go to the opera, but she should enjoy it too. When we watch the artsy movies I like, she should get some of the references. Knowing a second or third language is a plus. Being curious about other cultures is also good.

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A host of qualities fall under this label. A high-pitched voice. Submissive. Agreeable. Sometimes whimsical. A little neurotic. Fragrant. etc.

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She should be great with kids. She has to have the patience to raise all the children I want and to deal with me when I’m stressed from work. She should probably try to over feed me. She should be concerned about my drinking.

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If I ever get married, I need a wife who won’t complain that I’m gone half the week on business. She appreciates that I’m working for my family and knows the time away just makes our time together that much better. She should be independent enough to take care of problems that arise in the house when I’m gone, so I’m not coming home on the weekend just to work on the things she was too helpless to figure out on her own. I have a very good test for #2. My real name is shared by several historical and literary figures. Anyone with a decent education in the Anglosphere should know those figures. Anyone who regularly watches tv should also know of popular characters with the same name. If upon first hearing my name she refers to one of the popular characters, I know she will never be good enough for me. If she refers to a historical or literary figure, I give her a chance.

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